What I learned at a Jewish Funeral
Monday Ministerial Musings
By Rev. Mark William Ennis
2025 Blog #38
September 22, 2025
What I learned at a Jewish Funeral
Besides my position as an interim minister at the Community Church of Glen Rock, I am also a hospice chaplain in North Jersey. I care for patients with varied religious backgrounds. Some have no religious background at all. Meeting, and caring for these patients often brings me to places that I never would have dreamed of going to. I mean this both geographically and spiritually.
Recently, a Jewish patient that I was caring for died. It is our protocol in hospice to attend the funerals for our patients if we are able. Fortunately, I was able to attend this funeral. I did not know what to expect as I had never attended a Jewish funeral in my life. I reminded myself that I did not need to know anything of such burial customs. I was there to support the family and was not expected to preside at the ceremony.
The funeral was conducted by a Cantor, and I received a warm welcome from her. She saw my hospice ID and was very complimentary about the labors that hospice workers do. She honored me by asking if I would read the 23rd Psalm. Of course, I read it in English. Even in seminary, I did not show any ability to read Hebrew. I was pleased that I could participate in the funeral, even if it was a small role.
During the service, I was surprised to see two shovels standing near the graveside. I assumed that this was a mistake on the part of the gravediggers, but I soon learned of my error. The shovels were for the family and friends to put dirt on the grave. Family members were to hold the shovel upside down while friends held the shovels in the more usual way. The cantor explained that less dirt could be held when the shovel was upside down. Shoveling dirt represented giving up one’s sorrow. Friends gave a full shovel full of sorrow away while the family, with the shovel upside down, gave away less of their sorrow at the graveside.
I joined the line to place a shovel full of sorrow on the grave of my patient and stood near the family to give them whatever spiritual support they needed from me at that time. I then joined in the mourners Kaddish. I was surprised to discover how many of my fellow mourners were reciting the English version of this instead of the Hebrew. I felt a sense of peace as I joined the other mourners in surrendering the decedent, and sorrow, over to God.
With the addition of specific rituals such as shoveling dirt, I did not find the Jewish funeral service all that different from the Christian services that I have attended or presided over. This service reminded me of something that I learned many years ago. We have more in common than we have differences. That knowledge makes me sad. How can humans, all brothers and sisters, with a common creator, continue to kill one another when none of us are that different from the others?
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